damn, molly! you keep pumping out the good work. and 4:38 is such a doable length. all of the action reads really well. my only suggestion is that you could do a bit more with the last scene at the breakfast table. it seems to go by so quickly, and there is such great build up to the moment. try to really build up her frustration with the glasses. you could have her do somethings in addition to the teapot thing. maybe she could slam her fist on the table and everything momentarily jumps, but then goes back to being lifeless. this isn't necessary at all, i just think you could really milk this moment for all it's worth.
That's good Melissa! Fist slamming! Yeah the end is over in a blink mostly because I don't want to creep any closer to 5min. but you are absolutely right milking this whole last bit for a couple more seconds would be good.
damn, molly! you keep pumping out the good work. and 4:38 is such a doable length. all of the action reads really well. my only suggestion is that you could do a bit more with the last scene at the breakfast table. it seems to go by so quickly, and there is such great build up to the moment. try to really build up her frustration with the glasses. you could have her do somethings in addition to the teapot thing. maybe she could slam her fist on the table and everything momentarily jumps, but then goes back to being lifeless. this isn't necessary at all, i just think you could really milk this moment for all it's worth.
ReplyDeleteThat's good Melissa! Fist slamming! Yeah the end is over in a blink mostly because I don't want to creep any closer to 5min. but you are absolutely right milking this whole last bit for a couple more seconds would be good.
ReplyDelete